How to Control Your Emotions | Finding Happiness

Article originally posted on Loving New Living.

My entire life I have been a slave to my emotions. They dictated my decisions, how I treated other people, how I viewed myself, and what I thought my future would be like. I thought there was no way out of my extended emotional roller coaster– the ups, the downs, spiraling out of control, and never knowing what was next.

Now I have perspective, understanding, and emotional control. How?

I learned all of this from an event called “Master Your Power Within™.” This was a three-day event put on by Higher Laws, a company founded by self-made millionaire Brandon Broadwater. I was skeptical at first, but this just this bit of knowledge alone made it worth it for me, and since it has changed my life, I want to share it with you.

The Brain is an Asset and Liability

The brain is an amazing computer. It’s like a powerful search engine– whatever you ask, it will answer. Ask your brain the question, “What is an apple?” Your brain will present you with all the information that it has on the subject, inclusive of images, details, sensations and previous experiences. Although useful, it can also be a dangerous weapon used to kill a positive self-image and a can-do attitude. You are constantly asking your brain questions without realizing it. Read through this list of phrases and decide if any of them sound familiar:

“What is wrong with me?”
“Why am I such a failure?”
“Would everyone be better off without me?”
“Why do bad things always happen to me?”
“Does anyone actually care about me?”
“Why can’t I do anything right?”

When your brain is asked is asked these questions or anything remotely similar, it will answer your question and provide you with supporting evidence.

Example: You ask your brain the question: “What is wrong with me?” Your brain immediately answers with a list: “You are chubby, ugly, boring, smelly, lazy and nobody likes you.” Then, your supporting evidence will come you in forms of memories and previous experiences– things people have said to or about you, your insecurities, weaknesses, horrible experiences, twisted perceptions, and anything else related to those trains of thought. Those answers create emotions.

To illustrate, imagine a bridge over a stream. Questions stand on the bridge and throw answers into the stream. The answers dissolve into the stream creating emotion.


Have you ever felt an emotion and could not figure out where that feeling came from? This used to happen to me all the time. With this illustration, it’s easy to see that emotions are downstream from the questions we ask ourselves. If I feel sad, I can track back to 45 seconds earlier and realize a poor quality question that I asked my brain, leading to the emotion that I am feeling in that moment.

The Cure for Negative Emotions

If we know that negative emotions are the result of poor quality questions posed to our brains, wouldn’t the solution lie in the changing the question? Instead of asking your self questions like, “What is wrong with me?” and “Why am I such a failure?”, you need to…

Turn the questions around!

Ask yourself questions that will result in positive answers, like these:

What is awesome about my life right now?
What am I good at? (If your brain answers with “Nothing,” keep asking until you get a concrete answer. You have to train it to filter out the negativity.)
What makes me special?
What are two things that I’m thankful for?
How can I make a positive difference to the people around me?
What can I do to make my life EVEN better? (adding the word “even” implies that your life is already good!)
What can I learn from this difficult experience?

Remember our illustration from earlier? Good quality questions bring about good quality answers which bring about good quality emotions! The more you practice, the more these good quality questions will come even easier to you.

Bad Question: Why can’t I do anything right?
Good Question: How can I be a better parent?
Great Question: How can I be an EVEN better parent?

Try It Right Now. I Dare You.

Customize your own good quality questions to your situation right now. Use the questions above as a template or completely recreate your own! Once you have your questions (I recommend writing them down), ask them to your brain. Think them or say them out loud, pay special attention to the answers, and pay even more attention to how those answers make you feel. If it made a difference, don’t stop. This is your journey. Start now.